Closing 2010

Closing the year in great style with an abundance of love, gratitude and joy!

We used to follow a New Year ritual of greeting the rising sun of the New Year and offer our thanks and prayer coming year. We often brought offerings of plenty. That requires either staying up or waking up early enough,  to travel to beach - Coney Island or Rockaway- and  braving the cold wind and weather to watch the rising sun.  My Honey was even interviewed by the local newpaper in one of those ventures.

We haven't practiced that ritual for the past 3 years. One year we were away and not near a beach. And the following years have been too too difficult to venture with our small son. We are considering  bringing in the New Year in this way again for 2011. 

As for now I am preparing my prayers of gratitude for what 2010 has brought to me and the petition prayers for what I wish 2011 to bring.

Twas the day before...

Twas the day before Christmas

 

 

 

Wishing all the little and big children a day and night of sweet and magical dreams to be awakened, meditated and shared and to make their way to come through as we close the year and begin the next.

Deep Sleep

 

Last night was the first night I slept deeply, in a month. I fell asleep with my son. I had to work hard to open my eyes this morning. Already late for work. Yesterday was my last class, my final project completed and turned in. Chapter one is completed. whew. Pursuing this program, this path, I am expanding myself, my life, my way of seeing but I still feel so doubtful as to why now. Questions such as this and others like is it worth it, keep ringing in my ears. And like the bird in the hand or 2 in the bush I question my choices... I am sacrificing time, the present, with my son among other things. choosing a lot of "don't you want to watch a movie" so I have time to do homework. And my easy irritation because I am not sleeping enough- stealing time after my boy goes to sleep to finish my projects. These are not good things. Are they worth it?


I have not felt like I have been the mother, the partner, the person I want to be in these challenging days. In all that work, school, mothering, worrying, cramming, figuring, pushing, expanding and seeking. Not surprisingly, I have found that I have sacrificed some of my self-care and peaceful practices as well- practices that have proven to help and support me in the past to stay mindful and centered- sober in every sense. I have developed some new practices though, more truncated ones I guess. Yet, I have sustained some moments of peace and sharing peace.

This check-in here, this blog, connecting to this peace, this community, and to others, my dear friends, in my local community. Though posting has been infrequent, it has all been a great reminder and a practice in itself. Making commitment and hearing other commitments to peace, in the day to day. The day to day courage of others. That has sustained me. 

Thank you all.


So I continue to find ways to make peace, give my piece to peace, in each day. And my commitment is to continue through this month of December to be present to myself, my family, my loved ones and to all. Peaceful, present, mindful and loving.

December

 

The last month of the year is here. 

This month has Christmas and all that is intended, given and received for this holiday and it also includes all the difficulties in and around this holiday that exists in ourselves and the world today- and those challenges. 

It also has my birthday which is also both challenging and celebratory. 

but the most challenging of them all is my mothers death day, falling between Christmas and my birthday- that memorial, is on December 17th. 

 It will be 9 years ago this year, that she left this earth and moved to the stars.

Despite all of this, we followed the 4th year of our family tradition and got a tree last night- a fresh tree just come in from Canada this family bring them in every year around the corner from our house. We fully decorated it with my mothers old ornaments which she hadn't used for the last 6 years of her life, and we finally collected them, for the first time, from storage in Pennsylvania earlier this year. What a joyous and fun filled night! What a treat it was for us all! For me just revisiting these ornaments after 15 years. And my son especially loved seeing the cowgirl, the violin, birdcage, nutcracker and all the fun animals and international and antique ornaments my mother had! What a beautiful and simple tree! Little tree, Thank you for sacrificing your life for our celebration of Peace and love in the world.

We are starting our own tradition this year and celebrating Christmas at home with just the 3 of us, instead of traveling to extended family and celebrating together with them. We make this choice, this year, because of our plans to visit our Korean family later, and having gone to Pennsylvania for Thanksgiving, with an added treat- a visit from my Grandmother, Aunt and Uncle who live in Santa Fe. My host Aunt and Uncle in PA, had already decorated their house for Christmas expecting our visit- with many trees and years of collected decorations!

My gratitude for all of these things and life as it is now, even with all of its challenges, including my mounds of homework due on 12/14, extends today for all that we have! Thank you to all my personal, worldwide and online friends and family for supporting, loving and sharing with us in our lives and in this journey. We send much the same to you all with love and peace.