Chocolate treat with message
Make assemblages with some friends at our home
Saturday, December 17, 2011
December 17
Chocolate squares with message
Redecorate our tree today
(one set of lights on our tree died and we had to take them all off and restring the lights and rehang the ornaments entirely)
With deep sorrow (and joyful memories) I remember my dear mother Marie on this 10th memorial of her death. I miss you still.
Redecorate our tree today
(one set of lights on our tree died and we had to take them all off and restring the lights and rehang the ornaments entirely)
With deep sorrow (and joyful memories) I remember my dear mother Marie on this 10th memorial of her death. I miss you still.
December 11
A special chocolate treat with message
Enjoy a Christmas party, bring cheer and together view Christmas windows and lights
Enjoy a Christmas party, bring cheer and together view Christmas windows and lights
December 10
A special cookie treat with message
Make holiday ornaments for home and gifts for others
Make holiday ornaments for home and gifts for others
Monday, December 5, 2011
Saturday, December 3, 2011
December 2
Strawberry Fruit treat accompanied by
Cut out snowflakes and hang on the window and around the house, together
Cut out snowflakes and hang on the window and around the house, together
Thursday, December 1, 2011
December 1
Starting Small and a bit unexpected out of and among some other crazy distractions that have come up but the plan is and the envelop was filed with:
A blueberry fruit tread and a card that reads:
Pick out a tree, and bring it home to decorate together
A blueberry fruit tread and a card that reads:
Pick out a tree, and bring it home to decorate together
Monday, November 28, 2011
Our December Calender
I've been wanting to create this ritual. One to open a space in order to give new gifts of gratitude, love, and joy each day to our family during this holiday season. Gifts of sharing, playing, celebrating, creating, together. I am rather new at this family making, ritual creating and I'm hoping to find rich gifts for each day's opening envelop. I will share the process here beginning on December 1st. Come join me.
Here is the Calender creation made by my son and I, together.
 |
| Our Advent Calender |
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Giving Thanks
This Thanksgiving was especially full of gratitude in my heart.
To my Grandmother
To my Mother
To my son
To my husband
To my sisters
To my friends
To my family
To my Higher Power
To my father
and to all that I have today.
I have been sharing, daily, with a friend, a practice of a voicing a gratitude (more often multiple). It is amazing how I am able to turn each negative thought, each complaint, each anger into a gratitude, even if it is Just for a moment each day.
This practice has been amazingly healing and helpful to me.
I am thankful.
To my Grandmother
To my Mother
To my son
To my husband
To my sisters
To my friends
To my family
To my Higher Power
To my father
and to all that I have today.
I have been sharing, daily, with a friend, a practice of a voicing a gratitude (more often multiple). It is amazing how I am able to turn each negative thought, each complaint, each anger into a gratitude, even if it is Just for a moment each day.
This practice has been amazingly healing and helpful to me.
I am thankful.
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Harvest
 | |
| Celeric (celery root) |
 |
| Bean picking on the farm |
 | ||
| The biggest pig I ever saw (even at the State Fair) |
Now that Halloween is over, it is suddenly Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years.
Panic arises.
Somewhere in there too is my birthday and my mothers' memorial.
It is a lot. Especially because it has been such difficult recent past, 4 + months processing challenge after challenge after challenge. And still. I have taken a ride deeply to the bottom, dragged there for far too long and slowly now, only now, I feel the slightest lift. A spring upward to nudge me, perhaps, I am finally coming up rather than falling down face first. My faith is stronger today, My boundaries are stronger. Still yet it is Fall. We just changed our clocks back. So now when I wake it is not pitch black. Winter is coming. Hibernation.
I have learned to plan and plot in these past few years as mother, as family maker, as tradition maker, as creative celebrator. And my planing and vision setting has begun to feel a little smoother, more successful and more joyful.
Those are only small things.
And this past weekend I had a few insights that felt hopeful (I haven't been feeling that too much lately though I do keep moving forward).
One is making a date with friends and their children to do some art-making activities. This should be fun. I am trying to open the space to see if we can do this, be creative together in new ways, that are personally, soulfully, fulfilling.
Another, thanks to my friend John and to Studio Mothers, is art-making 10 minutes a day. It is in the calender those 10 minutes several times a week. Since I no longer have an art studio, or even a corner where I can leave things out to pick up again with ease. I am packing small boxes, each one with one project and all the tools needed, including the "step to do next" list. Streamlining. Thank you Alissa, Creative with Kids.com.
3rd is finally having the opportunity and grace to make a daily gratitude and daily action commitment. What a gift this has given me to be able to speak these prayers of gratitude and action out loud to another person, every day. What new clarity and empowerment and connection this gives me to expand, to be human, to love, to peace, to Spirit.
Thank you all, in the world, occupying your place, your space, as I am here, proudly taking my power as the 99% with all of you here in this world! Peace to Occupy Wall St!
 |
| October Snow |
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Celebrating Life
 |
| Building Castles |
Thank you Mother Marie
For your love.
Your wisdom.
Even your mistakes.
Most of all thank you for my life.
and for my darling son.
Our Birthday gifts to you.
 |
| Embellished with Jewels |
 |
| Flowers for you |
 |
| The sea embraces us all |
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
In the Company of Buddha
My dear friend, a practicing Tibetan Buddhist, had a vision, just after he sent out his prayer to Chen Resi for my Grandmother to reach enlightenment. He described seeing her seated on a lotus flower, radiating a glowing light and gloriously in the company of Buddha and the enlightened beings. Wow! What a beautiful vision. How comforting too. I bow and pray to my dear Mum, to relieve my family, particularly my father, myself and all humans in this world of all our sufferings. We really need it today!
Friday, September 16, 2011
Toward the LIGHT
I am sad today and a lot these days. September, always a difficult month for me, especially because my mother's birthday falls on the 20th. This colors the whole month, even more so than the month she died. I was so angry at her for dying in the month of December, I thought it would forever ruin that magical month, which includes my birthday and Christmas. But drat, it is not the only month "ruined" with loss and sorrow. This September is especially bad for more reasons than the anniversary of 9/11, the loss of my mother and the loss of my unborn child. And even the 10th anniversary of all those things...
I am sad for my son too. I see myself through him and what he is missing from me, the things I am missing in myself. I am so lost in this time of uncertainty. This makes me focused on trying to make sure to be here for the things that are here. And thus, I am not giving all I wish I could. Things like giving in, playing, joyful creativity and loving togetherness. Those are missing. I can't even fathom the idea or the time to make things, or to play things together. We play in the park, play board or card games, we read, he reads, we eat, we plan and talk about things, we have life. and together all 3 of us. And yet I'm busy trying to set traditions, make some rules and boundaries and find it is all a struggle. Plus, I feel continually compelled to teach him, and often expect him to be more cooperative than he is. And I wish it could just be fun. I wish I could be fun. He is mostly always fun and joyful, until I try to control him or change his direction. Then he puts up a big resistance which usually begins and ends with tears and tantrums. I shouldn't be so hard on myself. We have all had much fun this summer. I am grateful for the connections we've made and still making. the things we've done. I am recognizing that I am missing creating things, having that kind of fun together.
Saying all of that, though it may be true, but I am somewhat disoriented with this and many of my other recent deep revelations. The truth is, at this time, I cant do anything. The inner and outer air is heavy with sorrow and I have to remember that I am here- holding the space in my heart, now and much this month, for those personal losses, my mother, my unborn child, and then all those larger hearts and losses too. And now too, holding space for my dear grandmother transitioning from this world, to go up to the stars, toward the light.
Saying all of that, though it may be true, but I am somewhat disoriented with this and many of my other recent deep revelations. The truth is, at this time, I cant do anything. The inner and outer air is heavy with sorrow and I have to remember that I am here- holding the space in my heart, now and much this month, for those personal losses, my mother, my unborn child, and then all those larger hearts and losses too. And now too, holding space for my dear grandmother transitioning from this world, to go up to the stars, toward the light.
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Heal Thyself!
Today is a day for self-care of sorts.
Started out with Family therapy. Difficult, but good. We came out feeling better than we went in that is for sure. Shocking, since we just re-hashed our heightened and cyclical tensions. But there is something so good about bringing the truth to light and a good mediator is so wonderful. I have no prior experience with this success, but I am grateful. After 3 others, this therapist is so lovely and helpful.
Magnolia Bakery treat next. Worth the few dollars it cost. Total $4.50. Scrumptious peach cobbler ($3.00). The small cupcake size was perfect and relatively inexpensive at Magnolia, world-famous perfect cupcake bakery. The cobbler topping so reminded me of the delicious taste of my grandmothers extra pie crusts we would eat, sprinkled with sugar and cinnamon. And the fruit softened by baking is always a treat to taste. Like a mini peach pie! Plus, I enjoyed the peach cobbler with a lovely cup of fair-trade coffee with warm milk ($1.50).
Next stop to the "diamond district" to sell some jewelry. I was there recently, and they recognized me. I'm sorry to say I have to spend that first sale money on paying my bills but hoping this time to put these few dollars in savings. Doing this and having it is really comforting to me. More so that having the jewelry as a security "when i really need it". Well now is that time and I am happy to have it in monetary bills rather than in an imaginary security.
Then, I was headed to a special spiritual meeting, deciding between one at 12:15, 12:30 or 1:00 (I love that abundance). I got a text from my husband that we both had to be present to apply for marriage registration at the consulate. I went there next, waiting patiently in line. I was ultimately able to attend the last half of the 1:00 meeting. That was so good, even just that little bit of grace I received by entering the room and being there.
Now I am home. Paid my rent. Made some healthy phone calls and took care of myself today. I am ready to pick up my boy. Pick up our CSA box of vegetables at the community center. Go home, make dinner. Play together some. Plan our adventure day together tomorrow, just the 2 of us. Then go to bed and rest.
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Time to Be Joyful
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Autumn is Almost Here
Some Summer Outings to remember:
Goat Farm upstate
Building Sand Castles
Beautiful animals
Unforgettable views
First games
Saturday, July 30, 2011
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Back From the Dead
Hi . I have been MIA for so long I've forgotten how to type.....
kjhjqecd;uq3 ,ref
MY energy just drained right out of my body and it has lasted for the past few weeks.
Extreme back pain, all-over body pain, inability to move, hot and cold chills, complete fog and disinterest.
Slowly coming back now
from the dead
kjhjqecd;uq3 ,ref
MY energy just drained right out of my body and it has lasted for the past few weeks.
Extreme back pain, all-over body pain, inability to move, hot and cold chills, complete fog and disinterest.
Slowly coming back now
from the dead
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Monday, June 13, 2011
Castleton on Hudson
Thursday, June 9, 2011
One Year Later
Almost.
We are headed up to Castleton, NY to participate in another exhibition of artists.
I am exhibiting another version of Pathway to Heaven (photo(s) to be posted later).
The excitement is the trip, the house, the friends, and the emergence of the exhibition, as it unravels in this old theater space full of character, spirit and charm.
.:. ::: .:. ::: .:. ::: .:. ::: .:. ::: .:. ::: .:. ::: .:. ::: .:. ::: .:. ::: .:. ::: .:.
We are headed up to Castleton, NY to participate in another exhibition of artists.
I am exhibiting another version of Pathway to Heaven (photo(s) to be posted later).
The excitement is the trip, the house, the friends, and the emergence of the exhibition, as it unravels in this old theater space full of character, spirit and charm.
.:. ::: .:. ::: .:. ::: .:. ::: .:. ::: .:. ::: .:. ::: .:. ::: .:. ::: .:. ::: .:. ::: .:.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Today I am
So so so much is going on, soo many things to do and manage and say.
I pretend, I even give lip service to the "staying in the present" but it is just that, a kind of fantasy. The whole life thing, parenting a 4 year old boy, working, school, end of semester, 2 shows coming up, moving and deciding possessions and storage while we are planning for a major life change and move. All crushed into a couple of days, weeks, months.
To bring it back to the gratitude, the simple, of this present moment, I will state...
Things I love today:
My family in the morning running around, chaotic but alive and refreshed. My husband making lunch for my son, encouraging him to use the "potty" and brush him teeth, coffee brewing, dishes done, shifting use of the bathroom, Cyber Chase or Curious George on TV. All that good stuff.
I pretend, I even give lip service to the "staying in the present" but it is just that, a kind of fantasy. The whole life thing, parenting a 4 year old boy, working, school, end of semester, 2 shows coming up, moving and deciding possessions and storage while we are planning for a major life change and move. All crushed into a couple of days, weeks, months.
To bring it back to the gratitude, the simple, of this present moment, I will state...
Things I love today:
My family in the morning running around, chaotic but alive and refreshed. My husband making lunch for my son, encouraging him to use the "potty" and brush him teeth, coffee brewing, dishes done, shifting use of the bathroom, Cyber Chase or Curious George on TV. All that good stuff.
Monday, May 2, 2011
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Things I love # 6
Things I love # 6
Laying in a field of grass,
(long but not too long),
in a orchard of flowering trees.
The feel of the moist grass,
the fresh smell,
the warmth of the sun.
Making grass angels, taking pictures, playing,
and laughing
with people I love.
Laying in a field of grass,
(long but not too long),
in a orchard of flowering trees.
The feel of the moist grass,
the fresh smell,
the warmth of the sun.
Making grass angels, taking pictures, playing,
and laughing
with people I love.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Rocks in my Heart
oh no I don't want to talk about these things. Too many internal rocks.
Plus, I've gotten through another week of
"don't ask", "don't tell";
(lets) "walk around the elephant";
hint, hint; wink, wink...
Ok so now the break comes.
a week of spring
hopeful
full of time
creation
love
healing
Gratitude.
Plus, I've gotten through another week of
"don't ask", "don't tell";
(lets) "walk around the elephant";
hint, hint; wink, wink...
Ok so now the break comes.
a week of spring
hopeful
full of time
creation
love
healing
Gratitude.
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Musing of this week
I walked out most every day this week under dressed.
The air was cold, but the light was bright, even the days (like most) that it rained.
In between the rain were clear blue skies with that cool bright and yellow sun.
I walked past bundles of branches, cherry blossoms, buds on the trees. And birds chirping.
All else stressed and crazy. Mixed and piled up.
Numbers missed, money tight, communications all off target.
Trying to hold boundaries is exhausting, not doing it well either. A challenge for sure. But not the worst. I made it through my second week. Whew. Done. Tomorrow I go to the beach. Sunday a big cleansing of possessions.
One foot in front of the other. Looking down and remembering where I am, it's here, it's now. Those things I can do, when I am graced enough to think of them. Mostly I am caught in the whrilwind. I just need to keep my gaze softly on that form ahead of me.
I am graced enough to be grateful for every moment that brought me to and including this moment here and now. Thank you.
The air was cold, but the light was bright, even the days (like most) that it rained.
In between the rain were clear blue skies with that cool bright and yellow sun.
I walked past bundles of branches, cherry blossoms, buds on the trees. And birds chirping.
All else stressed and crazy. Mixed and piled up.
Numbers missed, money tight, communications all off target.
Trying to hold boundaries is exhausting, not doing it well either. A challenge for sure. But not the worst. I made it through my second week. Whew. Done. Tomorrow I go to the beach. Sunday a big cleansing of possessions.
One foot in front of the other. Looking down and remembering where I am, it's here, it's now. Those things I can do, when I am graced enough to think of them. Mostly I am caught in the whrilwind. I just need to keep my gaze softly on that form ahead of me.
I am graced enough to be grateful for every moment that brought me to and including this moment here and now. Thank you.
Monday, March 28, 2011
Talking to Strangers
What a strange world we live in today. Yesterday, I read a message from Mark Zuckerberg, facebook founder, discussing this strange "talking to strangers", revealing too much, a new era, blah-biddidy blah blah. No new news there but just a new perspective I have today. I say this as I post, talking to the waves, to friends, to strangers.
I am sitting here having very real thoughts and feelings. Lost. Where do I go with them? Journal, perhaps. Call a friend. Who do I call? What can I do to distract myself. All those thoughts. Then I think oh yea I'll blog. How odd that I have that thought, that that is the solution, the place to go. I think of myself as trying to live mindfully. Being authentic. Sensitive to things that are real. And I take this path of refuge.
There is the How of it.
I am sad. Really sad. I miss my friend. I feel like there is a big hole in the room, in the space. Everyone is carefully walking around it so they don't fall in. Some are staring at me with wondering or fearful eyes. Some are pretending it is not here at all. And there are those who notice the hole but don't know that it is a permanent hole.An then those who don't care.
There is the The of it.
It happened. It can't be undone. It is. No matter what, things will and do move on and around and through this. That is all. Everyone will be fine in the end. In fact everyone is fine now. Though it is really unexpected. Really tragic. Sad.
There is the Hell of it.
I can just have my feelings. Not know what to do with them. Post them on my blog (never on fb!). Talk to strangers. And continue to wonder How The Hell did this happen!
I am sitting here having very real thoughts and feelings. Lost. Where do I go with them? Journal, perhaps. Call a friend. Who do I call? What can I do to distract myself. All those thoughts. Then I think oh yea I'll blog. How odd that I have that thought, that that is the solution, the place to go. I think of myself as trying to live mindfully. Being authentic. Sensitive to things that are real. And I take this path of refuge.
There is the How of it.
I am sad. Really sad. I miss my friend. I feel like there is a big hole in the room, in the space. Everyone is carefully walking around it so they don't fall in. Some are staring at me with wondering or fearful eyes. Some are pretending it is not here at all. And there are those who notice the hole but don't know that it is a permanent hole.An then those who don't care.
There is the The of it.
It happened. It can't be undone. It is. No matter what, things will and do move on and around and through this. That is all. Everyone will be fine in the end. In fact everyone is fine now. Though it is really unexpected. Really tragic. Sad.
There is the Hell of it.
I can just have my feelings. Not know what to do with them. Post them on my blog (never on fb!). Talk to strangers. And continue to wonder How The Hell did this happen!
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Things I am Thankful For
Too late to talk, to post, to start- though it has been a week.
Mercury in Retrograde.
So many upsetting, humongous things have come to pass. Around me. Affecting me but not directly to me.
I have personally received large amounts of nourishment, gift, celebration.
My child is a gift of insight and joy.
I am thankful for all of that and more.
Mercury in Retrograde.
So many upsetting, humongous things have come to pass. Around me. Affecting me but not directly to me.
I have personally received large amounts of nourishment, gift, celebration.
My child is a gift of insight and joy.
I am thankful for all of that and more.
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Posting work in progress, questionable
Posting unfinished work, work in progress, both of those things are questionable.
I've done it.
Like many things, I am at an confessional stage- an expose of sorts.
Here we are blogging some very personal musings.
The works shown in the previous posting (earlier today) are small- 6" squares. I cut a bunch of museum board at that size and started doing some collage work. I pasted and redrew and painted and pasted some more. None finished or satisfying. The subjects are very didactic. Women- women working, earning, creating, even nursing while creating (and probably earning too).
Then some of the other boards became part of another process. These drawings are created in rather indirect ways, using beet juice. I saved this cooking juice in my refridgerator for months, perhaps a year. Different jars from various cookings of this rather beautifully colored vegetable. The drawings themselves are almost sculptural as they soak up the juice in various dunkings and dry naturally warping and curling as they do.
In the first picture, I show a small group of collaged pieces checkered with the beet drawings. It is an idea. I'm not sure I like juxtaposing them. Here I am exposing a visual thought. Perhaps this takes me to another place...
Maybe that place is building the lower area of the wall with the beet drawings, like bricks or rocks, though not in a grid-ed format, leading into the "mother" collage. thread can link them. or not.
In any way I think of it I must continue to work on them individually.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Spring!
St Patrick's Day!
Not yet March 21st but the Hyacinth buds are visible, with hints of purple tone. The light is bright and the sun is warm, the sky is a particular shade of blue- only in spring.
I walked my boy to school today, we talked about the spring and how the green pushes from the earth to feel the sun, just like we do. He woke this morning saying "Is it summer today? I've been waiting so long." It is slow for Spring to come and then Summer too. One day at a time, growing and healing. It feels slow to wait, slow to live and then suddenly there it is upon you a bright day with buds of hyacinth!
Not yet March 21st but the Hyacinth buds are visible, with hints of purple tone. The light is bright and the sun is warm, the sky is a particular shade of blue- only in spring.
I walked my boy to school today, we talked about the spring and how the green pushes from the earth to feel the sun, just like we do. He woke this morning saying "Is it summer today? I've been waiting so long." It is slow for Spring to come and then Summer too. One day at a time, growing and healing. It feels slow to wait, slow to live and then suddenly there it is upon you a bright day with buds of hyacinth!
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
new perspective
I just talked to a friend, I have a new perspective- so obvious but I'm trying it out...
this is a place for me to speak, share, communicate, not just share what is inside my head and my tenuousness and discomfort sharing my life challenges (and how I work through them), the path I am moving through... that too but to share my immediate place, my surroundings, my day. Of course this simplicity- I want to share this VISUALLY but not all that easy even though it IS easy. But I can start with sharing it with words too.
Here we go-part one
On my way to work everyday (if I'm not in a rush), I walk through New York's dwindling flower district. The "district" is now compressed to one block between 6th and 7th Avenue on 28th Street. It is a kind of oasis. In the early morning, even in the cold winter, they have the sidewalk filled with plants, flowers, trees. They leave a very narrow path for pedestrians, between the flowers in front of their shops and the "gardens" created, in descending size, from the curb to the path.
These are no ordinary flower shops- they are pack full with all kinds of wild, exotic plants, huge branches, flowering or bare. This is where all the event and exhibition designers shop at 5 in the morning.
I love to walk here, see the colors and smell the fresh plants alive and oozing oxygen. Often even the fragrance of the flowers waft in the path. This gives me a fresh beginning and a new perspective to go to work.
Though I have to say, I hate when people in front of me are smoking. I think there should be a law against it, tickets given, in this compressed garden space, the offense of smoke. Though I remember as a smoker the need to have it fill my lungs, after running or biking and especially in among the the fresh smells and extra oxygen of trees and plants.
This smoker offense happened to me today. I waited, lingered and let them pass way way in front of me instead of muttering under my breath and cursing them all the while.
I am learning to create my reality, choose my perspective, ever so slowly and only sometimes, but I am learning.
this is a place for me to speak, share, communicate, not just share what is inside my head and my tenuousness and discomfort sharing my life challenges (and how I work through them), the path I am moving through... that too but to share my immediate place, my surroundings, my day. Of course this simplicity- I want to share this VISUALLY but not all that easy even though it IS easy. But I can start with sharing it with words too.
Here we go-part one
On my way to work everyday (if I'm not in a rush), I walk through New York's dwindling flower district. The "district" is now compressed to one block between 6th and 7th Avenue on 28th Street. It is a kind of oasis. In the early morning, even in the cold winter, they have the sidewalk filled with plants, flowers, trees. They leave a very narrow path for pedestrians, between the flowers in front of their shops and the "gardens" created, in descending size, from the curb to the path.
These are no ordinary flower shops- they are pack full with all kinds of wild, exotic plants, huge branches, flowering or bare. This is where all the event and exhibition designers shop at 5 in the morning.
I love to walk here, see the colors and smell the fresh plants alive and oozing oxygen. Often even the fragrance of the flowers waft in the path. This gives me a fresh beginning and a new perspective to go to work.
Though I have to say, I hate when people in front of me are smoking. I think there should be a law against it, tickets given, in this compressed garden space, the offense of smoke. Though I remember as a smoker the need to have it fill my lungs, after running or biking and especially in among the the fresh smells and extra oxygen of trees and plants.
This smoker offense happened to me today. I waited, lingered and let them pass way way in front of me instead of muttering under my breath and cursing them all the while.
I am learning to create my reality, choose my perspective, ever so slowly and only sometimes, but I am learning.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
4 now
Posting, no visuals. It has 2 weeks since the last post.
I hear my baby stir in the bed.
We just passed through a celebratory birthday week for him.
Not a baby, 4years old now. And he has pee-ed in the bed 3 times in 2 weeks. Hello 4 year old. New challenges. Do we go back to pullups in the night?
I am not happy about some things that have come to pass. This bed wetting is so minor in comparrison. I guess it is all perception. Sleep would do me well. I am needing to accomplish many things which need to be done and are not, until after my child sleeps.
At this hour, I hear sounds in other apartments- talking, fighting, sex.
While mine is silent.
I need to speak my mind at the appropriate times. That "right time" never seems to appear. So I speak inappropriately.
I started a list of things to be grateful for tonight. I intend to do this nightly. Someone shared with me how this daily habit has helped them greatly. It will help me to keep things in perspective, to move forward, despite myself.
I hear my baby stir in the bed.
We just passed through a celebratory birthday week for him.
Not a baby, 4years old now. And he has pee-ed in the bed 3 times in 2 weeks. Hello 4 year old. New challenges. Do we go back to pullups in the night?
I am not happy about some things that have come to pass. This bed wetting is so minor in comparrison. I guess it is all perception. Sleep would do me well. I am needing to accomplish many things which need to be done and are not, until after my child sleeps.
At this hour, I hear sounds in other apartments- talking, fighting, sex.
While mine is silent.
I need to speak my mind at the appropriate times. That "right time" never seems to appear. So I speak inappropriately.
I started a list of things to be grateful for tonight. I intend to do this nightly. Someone shared with me how this daily habit has helped them greatly. It will help me to keep things in perspective, to move forward, despite myself.
Monday, February 21, 2011
"...It's been sooo long since..." plays like a show tune
 |
 |
The images are from Korea. It has been a month since we've returned, it feels distant, as it did then. I maybe leaving out some important visual punctuation in this story, but I guess I can save it for later.
I have these few minutes, alone, my child sleeps, my man is out. I am joyful though tired. A short path is visible in front of me. Let me keep my eyes fixed on my feet, the place I am. Our return to that distant hillside is near.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
in, like a lion
the piles of ice and snow still towering.
i am ready for spring to come. hello February. March..:coming soon.
i feel steady, grounded, grateful, strong.
the road pulls me.
i see light.
i see the hoops of fire i must pass through, the coals i must walk over.
i am afraid.
but I will
walk and jump, trudge,
flutter and fly
i am ready for spring to come. hello February. March..:coming soon.
i feel steady, grounded, grateful, strong.
the road pulls me.
i see light.
i see the hoops of fire i must pass through, the coals i must walk over.
i am afraid.
but I will
walk and jump, trudge,
flutter and fly
Friday, January 28, 2011
Home again, Home again, Jiggity jig
Though I feel like I am in a foreign country
I'm Home again, Home again, Jiggity jig
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Almost Home
I feel much relief. I guess the stars moved or the moon waned (or waxed) just enough. I can see the light, faintly glimmering, at the end of this tunnel.
(i am still not fully comfortable speaking entirely free here)
I met a man who gave me great news.
I walk my path, in faith that it will lead me to a place far beyond my wildest dreams. Somehow I am seeing new rivers.
I've had great gifts this month, love, connection, health, peace, and hope, among other things.
Home is near.
(i am still not fully comfortable speaking entirely free here)
I met a man who gave me great news.
I walk my path, in faith that it will lead me to a place far beyond my wildest dreams. Somehow I am seeing new rivers.
I've had great gifts this month, love, connection, health, peace, and hope, among other things.
Home is near.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Walking in the shoes
 |
| Super hero shoes |
Time and space are all mixed up. Can't find a connection to my life at home or myself in many ways. 2011 time. I am in a time warp, in a space age, luxury apartment in another world. My child is disconnected too. He is full of media- games, cartoons, movies. Too cold to go out for long. It is below zero and then the wind colder still.
We are here and now. Without much sense of what will come or the future plans. This rather sudden illness has taken the largest precedent over everything else we had planned for this trip. My mother-in-law is very ill, though her recovery is better each day since her surgery. We are here at this time and space, in this life.
 |
| Gumi ROK |
It makes me appreciate the small things. The great gifts we have, the great food, the gifts of love. That is, if I can allow myself to enjoy the moment rather than worrying about who or what I am or am not, what or how child is behaving and, worst of all,- worrying about what others need or don't need and I am unable to understand. How crazy is that? I'll just try to stay with the appreciation , the gratitude of today and not the "am"s or "am not"s. That is my personal committment on this day.
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